I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Congratulations! We have a period
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
