i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Ketchup is God's man juice
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
