i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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