The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Come share oat with me in your robe
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
