this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
