I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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