WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
