I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
