there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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