I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
