My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize