we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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