I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
