I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
