no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
