Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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