Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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