Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
