I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
