I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
