Plan B is the new Plan A
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
