We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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