she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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