dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
