dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
