I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
