just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
