Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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