I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
