She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
