i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
