I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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