I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
