it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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