Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dear god my vagina.
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