Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
