Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize