i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
