I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
