first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
why is half of my head shaved?
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