I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
