I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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