Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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