FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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