brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i black out too much to be "responsible"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
