Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
