No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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