I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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