My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
