the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
