hell yes lets make some ravioli
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
