hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
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