She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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