I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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