Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My penis needs a shock collar
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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