she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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