Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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