Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
