I wish I only lived at night.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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