The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
