Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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