I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
