your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
