2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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