I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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