the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
