i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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