i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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