This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's like God shit irony all over that family
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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