so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
