Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
