she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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